I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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