grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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