tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
