we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
