i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
