I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
