sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
