oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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