i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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