I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
