I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
