I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
