You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
