i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
