dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
