This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
