if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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