Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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