ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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