Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
