someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
