someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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