Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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