Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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