you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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