Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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