WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
