i need an iv and a liver transplant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
