the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
