my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
