the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
