i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
