update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
