Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
