Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
