im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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