so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
