there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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