I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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