i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
