I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
