Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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