grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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