i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
