the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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