I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
