My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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