I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
