I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
