she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
