She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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